not a bad thing.

Subject: not a bad thing. Mon Jun 16, 2014 2:20 pm

Fabian exited the ball room with his empty cup. He forgot to throw it away. He was going to go back, but he had been avoiding Zander, and if Zander was leaving, he'd have to talk to him. He was his escort, but he didn't know if Zander was upset with him. They had a past. A.. good past. But that doesn't change the fact that Fabian was a part of Zander cheating on his boyfriend. What had happened, or what would happen back in their District? How was their relationship? Did Zander even want to speak to Fabian? There were small rooms off to the side of the hallway, usually used for small meetings. He decided to go to the one farthest from the ball room, and throw his cup away. Then he heard someone behind him.

Subject: Re: not a bad thing. Mon Jun 16, 2014 3:02 pm

innocence? that's just
another person's
slideshow.

Zander had mixed feelings all night. He was forgiving himself more and more for killing slowly reaching were he wanted. He wanted to not have ever done it at all...but it was on video for the capitol to watch like a movie. Zander didn't like it at all and wished it was all gone. That nothing since he got reaped happened. At least some of it....like killing but something's he was just didn't know anymore. The brown eyed lad had been looking for Fabian even though he didn't think there would be much talking. Fabian had told him not to talk to him but he wanted the vacuum for his mother. Hark wanted him not to talk to Fab but that would be hard. He was the new victor for eight and would have to mentor children every year with Fabian there as the escort. It would be hard not to talk...but Zander knew he couldn't blame Fabian for what happened. The victor could of done something but he let it happened and enjoyed everything except what it caused. Zander found himself a little lost as he wanted to get some air outside but found Fabian instead. He must of heard him behind him or saw the glow of the realistic lightning bolt that went from one ankle to the other. "Hello....Fabian....I was wondering about that vacuum you promised?" Scratching the back of his neck at his awkward." speaking. "It's...just that...we made a deal."

Subject: Re: not a bad thing. Mon Jun 16, 2014 4:24 pm

Fabian looked at Zander in his eyes. Those same brown eyes that were there that night. The night that everything changed between them. Fabian had just remembered about the vacuum that he promised Zander. And he always keeps his promises. But he didn't want to stay for long. He believed that Zander had won. But he just couldn't be believe that they were talking that moment. Something must have gone some kind of well. Or Zander just really wanted the vacuum and he knew he'd have to ask for it. "Of course," Fabian said. "He pulled the vacuum from inside his pants pocket." he stated dryly. He then began walking around Zander. "Now, I really must be going." he said.

Subject: Re: not a bad thing. Mon Jun 16, 2014 8:52 pm

innocence? that's just
another person's
slideshow.

A slight smile came over his face as Fabian was doing what he promised. And even though he said it in a dry tone it caused him to think it was somewhat funny in a plain way. It was weird to be talking to him in such a weird way. The same person he had spent the night with. The same person he had wanted to be his last and now that he wasn't at deaths list...there was a awkward wall that was between the two. It was good for the reason that he still loved Hark...but he cared for Fabian and needed to sort his feelings." Thank You, My Mother will be so happy. Not as happy as seeing me back from this trip." He laughed in a hollow way not really joyful or anything. But it was a attempt to make this less odd then it already was. Shaking his head in a manner to say no as he grabbed Fabians arm as he walked by. Then letting go after he thought he got his attention." He wanted a Break...if you wanted to know about how telling him went. No, I don't think you will be going." Looking in the same eyes that were there that night." I didn't survive a death trap... to not talk to you. Even though Hark doesn't want me to have words with you it seems I must. Your the escort and I'm the new mentor... I'm sick of not talking." A sigh escaped his lips as he wanted to talk to him. Zander cared for him in the friend manner but they had a good past and that was in a way in more then one. Hark didn't want him having words but how could he not? every year seeing each other and not at least talking to each other? it would be hard and annoying but it was understandable for Hark to feel that way. The last thing the young victor wanted was to upset Hark more then he already has but he wanted to talk.

Subject: Re: not a bad thing. Tue Jun 17, 2014 2:05 pm

It was so real. Zander had won the Hunger Games. Fabian wasn't expecting it to be this weird. He's the first Eight Victor. What a feat. He still had a promise to keep. With the vacuum. So he did. But there was something still there. Something still between them. It was and unspoken feeling of love. "You're welcome." he said. "I'm.. glad to see you," he said. Fabian felt Zander grab his arm. His eyes widened slightly, and then went back to normal. He turned his head, and looked at their connection. "I've destroyed everything you had," he said. "I can't stay here. In your life. I've done too much. I'm not deserving." he said. He looked into Zander's eyes with sincere thought. He was serious. He couldn't believe himself. "I want to talk too. But it's just that.." he said. "Every time someone mentions your name. Congratulates you on your victory." he said. Fabian stopped and took a breath. He almost cried. "I can't help but thinking about what I've done. How I've stepped into your life and created a mess." he said. He pulled his arm away, and kept facing the outside of the room. "You and that boy." he said. "You stay together. Okay?" he asked. He began attempting to walk away again. His feelings remained the same.

Subject: Re: not a bad thing. Wed Jun 18, 2014 1:25 am

innocence? that's just
another person's
slideshow.

It was weird. Zander needed to stop loving Fabian. It would be the best thing for both of them right? It wasn't like they could be a couple. Even if there was no Hark and the eighths first victor still had managed to have stolen Fabians heart. And somehow he had managed to let his own heart be split for two...one being his love for Fabian and the other for Hark. The whole situation was emotionally tiring and a roller coaster. Zander wanted off without hurting anyone. The boy only listened as he focused on the feeling of holding Fabians hand. Thoughts of that night crept into his mind as he heard and listend. He didn't want to blame Fabian for anything. It was his own fault. He could of stopped Demos and thus there wouldn't have been any interaction of a deeper way with Fabian. As he let go of his hand just to grab it again as he lead Fabian behind him to a closet near by. Opening the door and then closing and locking it behind him as he finally spoke." Fabian the only the person who is not deserving is me. I don't deserve any of this fame or money for killing...and I don't deserve you or anybody to care about me." He was angry and sad at the same time as he looked into Fabians eyes. Worry in his eyes and mind. The boy almost cried as he wiped a tear that crept on his eye." You didn't do anything Fabian that I couldn't have prevented. I wanted it and didn't really think of the consequences." He sighed after speaking his thoughts allowed and focused his eyes on Fabian before moving his lips again." I-I have been trying stop loving you....its hard to stop doing that once you care for someone." A tear came on his eye as he had moved away from Fabian to face a wall as he slid down it with salty droplets on his cheek. "I don't deserve you or anybody...I'm just a cheater and a murderer. So don't feel like it was your fault... it was all mine as I could of stopped anything but I didn't."

Subject: Re: not a bad thing. Wed Jun 18, 2014 12:44 pm

Fabian was dumb. Dumb to think that he'd actually get out of this conversation. He should have known that Zander had caught on to his act a while ago. What had he done? He sunk himself deeper and deeper into a dark hole. And he was never going to climb out of it. No one was going to help him. The only person that could get him out, was himself. But he doesn't have the strength to stand. "I should have never allowed myself to take advantage of you. Someone like you. You were born to be loved." he said. "You can't keep blaming yourself because it was my fault. I'm a man. And you're still a boy. If you would have reacted different, I'd be a rapist." he suggested. He took a breath, and walked over to Zander. He turned him around. "Don't let anyone. Even me. Make you feel this way. I will go back and forth with you all night, and my feelings will still remain the same." he stated. "I was wrong." He pulled Zander into his arms and hugged him. "I want you to go home." he said. He let him go and walked towards the door. He had his hand on the knob. "Go home, and tell that boy. Tell him how much you love him. Forget all about me." he said. His body froze.

Subject: Re: not a bad thing. Wed Jun 18, 2014 5:07 pm

innocence? that's just
another person's
slideshow.

Zander listened to what Fabian had to say. All he could think of how much he messed things up. A wave a confusion crashed into the Zander ship that was already in the whirlpool of emotion. Rapist? What the hell was that going in flying into the conversation. The boy thought about it for a moment until he put the word into thought. It was technically rape by law because he was a minor and Fabian was a adult. How could something so bad have felt ok and right at the time. His emotions were mashed and he wanted to fix them. Looking at him with his brown eyes." If I would of acted differently I could of easily said no Fabian. You could never be a rapist... your too kind to be that." Zander looked down at his wrist too the bracelet. The bracelet give by his love and as a token. A token he should of thought about and should of reminded him to stay true to Hark. The hug was nice and unexpected as he liked the comfort but was so confused about his feelings." If you were wrong how come it had felt so right. Fabian I can keep this up all night as well. I could of done something...but I fucking didn't." Watching Fabian walk to the door and he thought about his words a bit more. Tears came into his eyes when he thought about how he had hurt Hark. How he wanted a break. It had been a window for him to sort his feelings. He was trying to and now that Fabian had practically gave him the answer of its ok. He felt less bad about it. It would be hard stopping loving Fabian but he would have to do it. He knew what he had to do now. Go back and express his love for Hark and hope for him to take him back. The boy ran up to Fabian as he was facing door. Wrapping his arms around Fabian hugging him tightly." Thank you...you may not know it but thank you for letting me stop loving you. That doesn't mean I wont care as a friend nothing more then that." The smile slightly faded when the thought of the capitol rules of his same sex relationship would be not allowed." But... If the capitol finds about the relationship...whippings are a possibility." Zander had already let go of Fabian as the thought of what the capitol could do to him or hark. It inflicted a fear but not a strong enough fear to make the boy even think about stop loving Hark." Either way I will end up living a lie."

Subject: Re: not a bad thing. Wed Jun 18, 2014 11:08 pm

Fabian's eyes watered. "You could have reacted differently. It was my initial action that started this." he said. His face grew pale. The life was being drained out of him. Fabian didn't know why he hugged Zander. It was just what felt right in the moment at that time. He just wanted to hold him one more time. "I could have done something," he said. "Don't blame yourself." he stated. Fabian needed to move on. Without Zander. He couldn't stay with him anymore. They had to both.. go their separate ways. Fabian felt Zander hug hum from the back. The feelings were starting to develop. "Thank you.. for this." He said. Fabian shook his head. "It's not a lie if they never ask you. Because they won't," Fabian suggested. "From the moment forward. This.. is over." he said. Fabian opened the door. And stared off into the darkness of the outside room. His body froze yet again. He couldn't believe that they were actually going to do this. But they had to try. Their forbidden love was better off staying forbidden, nonexistent.

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not a bad thing.

not a bad thing.

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